10 ways to have a better conversation - Celeste Headlee
Here are the “10 basic rules”
1. Don’t multitask.
I mean, be present. Be in that moment. Don’t think about other things. If you want to get out
of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don’t be half in it and half out of it.
2. Don’t pontificate.
If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or
pushback or growth, write a blog. You need to enter every conversation assuming that you
have something to learn.
3. Use open-ended questions (not yes, or no questions).
Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. Try asking them things like,
“What was that like?” “How did that feel?” Because then they might have to stop for a moment
and think about it, and you’re going to get a much more interesting response.
4. Go with the flow.
That means thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go out of your mind
and I would add, stay with what is on their mind and not yours. Stories and ideas are going to
come to you. Don’t stop listening to them.
5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know.
Now, people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more aware that they’re going on the
record, and so they’re more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they
claim to know for sure. Do that. Err on the side of caution. The talk should not be cheap.
6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs.
If they’re talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t tell them about how much you
hate your job. It’s not the same. It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more
importantly, it is not about you. You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you
are or how much you’ve suffered. Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
7. Try not to repeat yourself.
It’s condescending, and it’s really boring, and we tend to do it a lot. Don’t do that.
8. Stay out of the weeds.
Frankly, people don’t care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you’re
struggling to come up with in your mind. They don’t care. What they care about is you. They
care about what you’re like, what you have in common. So forget the details. Leave them out.
9. Listen.
I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most,
the number one most important skill that you could develop. Buddha said, and I’m
paraphrasing, “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.”
10. Be brief.
A good conversation is like a skirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the
subject.
Thank you for reading.

